(no subject)

"About me: finding out I'm being lied to is always the best part of my year."

Finally, I feel really, really awful. It took long enough. I'm sorry.

(no subject)

 If you even hinted that you wanted me to, I would make the hour long drive, from either starting point. I'd be your companion (and you mine) through plates of eggs and bottomless cups of black coffee. Maybe we'd explore a little bit, while talking about all those things between the weeks. For just a few hours, we'd be able to forget all those complications between us (or at least pretend). Together, we'd be shamelessly North Jersey at the Jersey Shore. It would be so easy, so easy..

(no subject)

Charles Bukowski

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
you want to blow my book sales in

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
and we sleep together like
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do

my issues, let me show them to you


What ARE abandonment issues?


Does any of this sound familiar?

  • You equate love with feeling insecure.
  • You find yourself attracted to "unavailable" people.


  • Insecurity and fear of being hurt, of being left, of needs going unmet, sabotage your relationships.
  • You live in nagging inner conflict and you can't get closure.
  • You suspect rejection when someone doesn't give you positive attention.
  • You feel unjustly dismissed.
  • You turn the rage against yourself, there must be something wrong with you.
  • You blame your inadequacies.
  • You fear intimacy and find someway to prevent it.
  • You look outside yourself for love and approval. Others are all-powerful to your emotional well-being.
  • You leave relationships rather than work things out.

    Start by giving yourself a break. Fear of abandonment may be the most universal and painful fear there is. It is so hard to survive alone. Intense feelings around abandonment are unconsciously linked to survival. It doesn't get much bigger than this.

    The truth is...most of us have a hurt and abandoned inner child. These issues are rooted in the experience and reality of life... "It happens".

    Abandonment issues begin in infancy. Even with the best caregivers, infants experience fear of abandonment. This fear created stress chemicals in your system and were linked with your caregivers.

    A pattern was created where

    Love becomes equated with fear and insecurity.

Recent dreams

1. I was out to breakfast. In the bathroom, I met Miley Cyrus. We took pictures together. I was surprised that she wasn't a bitch but rather a very nice girl.

2. A friend of mine was madly in love with David Cook. Somehow, we met him and I was weirded out because he kept staring at me. I was being mean to him because I think he's ugly. He kept flirting with me and making sexual innuendos (barf) and my friend was getting mad because she liked him. Finally he asked me why I wouldn't go out with him and I was like, "Just keep asking!"

3. I had an encounter with a girl who I hate. I said something nasty I think and waited for her to retaliate, secretly scared that it would be mean. She said, "Well, at least I don't dress like an OFFICE PROFESSIONAL!" Satisfied, I said, "Honey, this is class!"

(no subject)

says go sleep all day and lock yourself in your room...AT HOME..we dont want you back.

Matt hates negative nancy. and sourpuss sue. and boring betty. and jealous jan. and hurtful heidi. oh and lack-of-fun lisa

Matt hates when people try to hide their jealousy of not being included as contempt for others. Its your fault you have no friends.